The Valley is My Friend

"Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

I have been through a few valleys. If you are a believer, you surely know what I am talking about. It's funny how every time I end up in one I go through the same thing. I get anxious. I panic. I close my eyes and try to pretend I am not there. Then as I hesitantly allow Jesus to guide me out like a child being dragged through a haunted house, I breathe my sigh of relief and move on to rejoice that I am no longer in the valley.

Enough is enough! I am done with running scared from valleys, fearfully and reluctantly trying to make it through the other side. Today is the day I will learn to make the valley my friend. Today I will embrace the valley I am in. Does that mean my heart will not race producing so much cortisol to send my body into bloat status? Of course not. I believe the fear is present to know that we are human and the beauty of the time in the valley is to walk courageously through it reminding yourself that even though you have been through this darkness before, it doesn't always mean it will have the same ending. Sometimes it is different. Also, sometimes the other side of the valley is deliverance into freedom from whatever scared you in the first place. Maybe Jesus is trying to loose the chains around your hands and feet that lead you to avoid your valleys, to get to the other side of your mountain top experience.

Do not let the fear of the valley keep you from the freedom Jesus has for you on the other side!

Do You Hear and See What I Hear and See?

Following Jesus is definitely a separate subject broken up into many lessons. If we look at the disciples and the many lessons they got in following Jesus, they did not all pass with flying colors. Some were better students than others, but sometimes they went home and didn't go to class. In fact, when Jesus went away, most of them scattered and even went back to what they used to do. Peter, the guy Jesus said he would build his church on went back to his old job of fishing.

Recently, I was wondering if God is standing in some room and speaking on a microphone and only those students who are there taking notes and listening pass the test.  Or, does He have individual messages that speak intimately to each one of us like a homeschooled student? I think the answer is both. I believe He speaks a general message that is used to unify us on a bigger playing field, but He also reserves intimate private details for those of us who stay after class.

I think about the sweet conversations I have had with my husband or children. Sometimes they share things that are only personal for us, but other times they share things that they share with everyone. I believe it's those personal messages that are spoken to only us that increase the closeness of the relationship. When we share the bigger messages that we receive with others, we are inviting others into the room with the teacher, but when we share those close and personal intimate conversations, we are inviting them into a view of how sweet He really is. It teaches others to look for the personal signs of His affection from the One who desires to know us intimately.
While out running today, I saw a street sign. It happened to be close to the end of my run when I was exhausted and hot. It was when I couldn't imagine running another block. "Hope St". Isn't this like our Abba Father to send us a message of hope just when we feel like we have nothing left? It usually comes when we are exhausted and feel like giving up. A friend of mine calls it a "ray of hope". She looks for signs that Jesus is still at work. She looks for ways to see that she is not alone and that there is a purpose for all that she is going through and that there is another side to the trials in this life. There is hope.

Multitasker

They say women are the best multitaskers. I must have been in the line for "super focus" a little too long and missed the line to receive my "multitasking" gift. This has not really come naturally to me. That is why I had two "only" children 12 years apart just so that I could focus on raising one child at a time.
Recently I heard a sermon by my pastor, called "A Days Work". He pointed out in Matthew chapter 9 all the miracles Jesus performed in one day! Wow Jesus! He was an overachiever! The two stories that kept resounding with me were the ones about Jairus' daughter and the woman who was bleeding for 12 years. I heard another sermon in the same week about these two miracles. It was pointed out that there were connections between these miracles. The year the 12-year-old girl was born happened to be the same year this woman who was bleeding contracted her illness. Coincidence? Nothing is a coincidence with God!

The combination of these two stories and the fact that I had heard them within the same week of each other got me thinking about my 12-year-old daughter who was born on the same year that it seemed my whole life was turned upside down. It was the year Jesus came closer and tore off every bandaid I had ever put on. He allowed my wounds to bleed and hurt. He allowed me to be humbled and He taught me to embrace the season I was in. This year for me marked the 12th anniversary of that year.

This year my husband took a job 3000 miles away from home that was supposed to last 6-8 months and we were not going with him. 12 years ago he and I separated because our marriage was broken. I know PTSD is a real and serious thing for men and women who have served in our country and I do not mean to lessen the severity of that. Jesus began taking some bandaids off a few wounds I thought had healed. Jesus is truly the surgeon of all surgeons because He sees our deepest needs and trauma.

In John chapter 4 when the woman at the well went to fill her buckets with water, she met Jesus. What she did not realize was that in an effort to get her physical needs met, despite her shame, Jesus met her where she was at and brought truth to her situation. He took her bandaids off. He let her fetch her physical need and in the midst of it, he met her with her spiritual need. Jesus is the ultimate multitasker. He allows us to go to our manmade wells to get the things we need, but it is there where we are met with something more than we bargained for. It is there we are met with an experience with Jesus that will last forever. The woman who was bleeding and the man who wanted his daughter healed were both seeking their physical needs to be met. Jesus met them there and gave them even more than what they asked for.

This is an idea that brings so much comfort to my soul. As I reach for my tangible needs in life, I am constantly met with my spiritual ones. It is where I meet Jesus every time. My physical need for my husband to be with me always brings me to a place where I see my greater spiritual need to be filled by Jesus every time.

Here are the two sermons I referenced above. Be encouraged!

https://madeforfellowship.com/sermons/a-days-work/

https://elevationchurch.org/sermons/get-out/

Roar!

"By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you-I Paul, who am "timid" when face to face with you, but bold when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world." 2 Corinthians 10:1-2

Paul, a disciple of Christ, the man who wrote most of the new testament said he could be both timid and bold. When I think of the man who went into towns and preached the word of God, was thrown into prison, beat, and shipwrecked I cannot imagine him as timid. Maybe I am alone in thinking this but the writer of the New Testament, former Christian killer, does not seem as if he has a timid bone in his body.

Paul states in his greeting that he clearly is coming from the perspective of being meek and gentle like Jesus modeled. He is not advocating violence. However, he goes on to say, if it is necessary like he thinks it may be, he will be bold. He makes it clear that's not normally how he is, but if he has to be bold, he will be.

This morning I had a conversation with my daughter about someone at school that made reference to her thighs being big. This girl didn't just say it but she went up to my daughter slapped her thy and said, "wow, you have big thighs!" After dealing with this kind of behavior since she was in the 3rd grade, my first response wasn't to do what any mama bear would do which would be to march to the school, talk with the administration or stalk the girl after school and have a word for her, in Jesus name of course. Instead, I responded in exclamation with, "are you kidding me?"

I couldn't believe someone actually said this to her. My response was not timid this time. Before I have always sat with her in her pain and let her vent her anger and hurt. This time I had bold words for her to speak. I told her if that ever happens again, I want you to respond, not in anger, but in shock like your mom just did, and I want you to say, "I cannot believe you just said that!"

I think we as believers can confuse the meekness of Christ with the times when we do need to speak justly, not timidly, but boldly like a lion. The goal is never to just be a martyr. The goal is to be effective for the Kingdom of God. Even Jesus went into the temple and turned over the tables of the merchants. There is a time and a place for the way we respond. Sometimes people need to be told they are wrong and other times God knows that is not the way they will hear truth. Instead, sometimes He calls us to be meek and says, step back and let me deal with them. I am definitely not advocating a movement of violence, but I am advocating that sometimes we need to speak up in a way people will hear us.

Homeschool For Real

When our daughter was younger she had been knocked down a few times from some tough social situations. I felt in every fiber of my being, the Holy Spirit nudging that she just needed a break. She needed a minute to catch her breath and be reminded of how loved and special she was. That year I homeschooled her. It was uniquely designed by God to give her what she needed so that she could continue her race.

"And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of this Spirit who lives in you." Romans 8:11

The hope is that if you have a relationship with Jesus, then He is living in you, and He will give you life. He will help you to rise back up.

So what does that look like? For my 10-year-old, it was a year of rest. After attending a field trip to the local aquarium, we found out that they wanted volunteers. Yes! They wanted 10-year-old volunteers with a willing adult! We signed up and before we knew it, we were touching sharks and sharing on microphones with crowds of people about them. What?!? I majored in business! I am definitely not an expert aquarist.

Sometimes, when we are willing to follow wherever the wind takes us, from here to there and everywhere, we may find ourselves doing things we never dreamed of doing. The year of volunteering and balancing homeschool also included helping my daughter self-publish her first comic book and finding a place to share it with kids in hospitals. It was a time of rest. It was a time of healing for her soul. God built her back up and told her how much he loved her and how special she was. I think we all need a little TLC from God at different times in our life. Sometimes we just need someone to say, it's okay to rest.

Just like my daughter, I have been on a journey of rest and of being reminded of how special I am and how loved I am by my teacher, Jesus. This blog invites you to have a front-row seat of some of that journey. Sometimes we get knocked down by people. Sometimes we get knocked down by our own bad decisions, but whatever the reason, at some point, we are all called to rise.

https://fishytalebook.wixsite.com/mybook

First Day of School

"Hi, my name is Jesus and I will be your teacher." Jesus

My name is Jen and I am 44 years old.  I am a wife and a mom of a 24 year old young man and a 12 year old girl. I signed up to to be homeschooled by Jesus about 15 years ago. Before then, I had a knowledge of God and Jesus and read my bible, but I never knew what it meant to actually walk as a disciple of Christ. When I began my journey of following Him, I was somewhat reluctant, so I asked God for 3 bold confirmations to leave my job and become a stay at home mom. Jesus was so gracious to give them to me in ways that I could not deny were from Him, so I left my lucrative job and health insurance benefits in the mortgage world to become a stay at home mom. It was something I never thought I could do. Please hear me. I am not saying your first step to following Jesus means leaving your job to become a stay at home mom or dad. It just happened to be my first step of stepping away from something that had a tighter grip on me than Jesus.

I would love to say that after that first step, I found myself scaling the great walls of China taking Bibles to underground churches or sleeping in huts in Africa feeding orphans, but that was not what happened. It was more like an amusement park log ride in water. It was that drop at the end of the ride. It was scary and exhilarating all at the same time, but it was also the end of that part of this ride. The next few years had me living a pretty normal life of a stay at home mom. I worked out, got a new puppy, remodeled the home, picked up my son from school and actually made home cooked meals for my husband and family.

After a few years, the season slowly began to change. The road became more interesting. It began to take me down some darker paths that slapped me in the face, not just once, but continuously.  I began to be stripped of anything worldly in my possession, including every human relationship that ever meant anything to me. The more I tried to hold onto those relationships as they were becoming unglued from me, the more I felt an excruciating pain. Then one day, I could not hold on anymore. I let go. Instantly, I felt freer than I had ever felt in my life. I felt liberated to go wherever He led, whenever He led. The fear had dissipated. There was nothing to lose after letting go of what felt like everything to me.

I remember the boldness that I had, the passion and fire to jump off a bridge or camp out in the jungles of Africa all in the name of Jesus. Send me Lord! Send me! This was my heart's cry as I believed there was nothing more enthralling than being in full swing for Him. This was my new life.

Now, the next step was all I needed to take. The next step eventually led to the next one and so on. After I moved forward it eventually seemed to make sense. I would begin to see connections that were placed there only by divine intervention. It was exciting! My relationship with Jesus was intimate. He was my everything and He was enough. However, the more I followed, the more I realized my journey was not just about stepping into the next ordained place for me to be, but it was laced with experiencing Jesus and identifying with some of the ways He suffered here on earth. I began to know Jesus in ways I never knew Him. I began to experience His extraordinary love and grace that covered me ever so deeply.

Before you commit to reading further, I want to prepare you for some truth that may come from this blog that you may not be ready for and that is okay. Some of us are at different places in our walk with Jesus and no one is right or wrong for it. This is like the parental guidance warning. You have to go to kindergarten before you go to first grade. Some of what I share with you in this blog may not make sense depending on where you are on your journey. For example, if you believe your best life is focused on driving your dream car or living in a 10,000 square foot home, you may need to find a new blog to read. I have found my best life is one where I lay it all down and walk freely in the direction of following Jesus. It's where you take up your cross, let go of the pleasures of the world, and indulge in the pleasures of Jesus. I am not saying following Jesus looks like living on the streets of a 3rd world country. It actually may include your favorite cup of coffee or driving a nice car and living in a fancy home. I can assure you that if you are on a path to follow Jesus, there will be a God-ordained purpose that goes beyond checking off your personal goal list and you may find yourself in places and spaces that are uncomfortable for you.

If you are still reading, I invite you on this journey with me. I am not writing as an expert. I am writing as someone on this journey as a lifelong student of following Jesus and sharing with you the things I learned and am learning along the way. There will be plenty of Peter follies, Jonah runaways, and sitting at the feet of Jesus wiping His feet with my tears. I believe as a disciple of Christ, we are called to make disciples. Basically, I am a student of Jesus sharing what I learn and doing life with other students. So I invite you not just to read this blog as I feel led to post, but to take the next step of being encouraged to follow Jesus wherever and whenever He may lead.

"Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:1

I pray I may continue to follow Him strong and it encourages you to join me.

Geronimo!!!